Mama's Midnight (or 3am?) Musings

As I try to comfort my hiccupping son back to sleep, I thought I'd write a few "top of the mind" thoughts to the blog.

• I absolutely love all of Logan's little faces - particularly the ones where he puckers up his lips right after a long feeding
• He's just starting to open his eyes more and more the last couple of days and it's so wonderful to watch him taking in the world. I like to think he looks at me in a dreamy way (or is that just the milk?) - I know I look at him that way. I definitely find myself wasting away hours at a time just looking at him and memorizing all of his features and expressions. I'm in love all over again.
  
• It still hasn't quite sunk in that this little guy was inside me just a week ago. I have these "phantom" kicks in my belly every now and then, and forget - oh wait, you're right here in my arms... and no longer inside me. It's the most bizarre experience.
• It hasn't yet hit me that I'm a mom or that I have a son! For that matter, I haven't quite gotten used to calling the baby "Logan" either. I was just telling friends tonight that when I called into the pediatrician's office to make Logan's first appt, the gal asked for a name - I immediately said Bree Connally - the gal said, uhhh no. your *son's* name. ohhhhhhh right! ;-)
• Everyone asks me if giving birth naturally was the most pain I've ever experienced. It's funny, my first reaction to that question is "no" even tho I don't think I've experienced anything more painful..... but I think what it is is, going thru a natural child birth was manageable and, as painful as it was (don't get me wrong, it was painful for me and the entire birthing ward knew it!), it seems like there could be other things that are more painful, or rather, out of your control and a lot less manageable. Hard to say.
• How does anyone "sleep when the baby sleeps"? When Logan is sleeping, Jon and I are catching up on the rest of the world - Jon runs errands, I do some laundry, we unpack a few more boxes, or just watch some tv and talk to each other. Every minute is so much more precious now.
  
• Porn-star boobs are NOT cool. Particularly when engorged with milk. Who would ever want implants?
• I've learned it's probably better NOT to watch a tv show where something happens to a child, esp. while nursing. I was catching up on TiVO the other night, taking in this week's CSI New York episode. In it, a little boy gets shot and dies. By the time the CSI had to tell the mother, I was bawling and holding onto Logan even tighter than before. Little Logan kept on sucking/snoozing away....
• Having a child together has brought Jon and I closer together than anything ever before. Jon and I have both already had our breaking points where we've done everything we can to comfort and calm Logan down (he gets very upset in the middle of the night for no apparent reason), yet nothing works. The great thing is, we have each other to take turns and shoulder the burden together. I couldn't imagine ever doing this alone! I feel so very lucky having such a loving, caring, attentive and involved husband, partner and friend, as I do.
  
• I have been so wrapped up in learning how to be a mother, with all my attention focused on Logan, that I sometimes forget the trauma my own body has been through only a few days ago. But, Jon has been great at watching out for me - making sure I'm taking care of myself, recovering well, and resting when I need it.
  
• The dogs and cats haven't really been affected by our new family member. I'm not sure if they have just gotten accustomed to a little baby's cries because of our other friends who've all recently had babies? Or, was the move into a new house more of a disruption to their lives, so this is just a minor "aftershock" that isn't as noticeable?
• I miss sleeping next to my husband.
• I don't miss work. (How could you return to work so soon anyway?)
  
• We like to think our son is already a super star. :) Although I know it's just reflexes at this point, I see a smile break out every now and then on his face. He grabs onto my fingers, shirt, pacifier, anything! and holds tight (and holds it to his mouth). He knows the pacifier is definitely NOT a boob and generally will spit it out. He pushes up with his arms and rolls his head around quite a bit - Jon's already scheming when we can start him on football. I think we should wait to see what the orthopedic doc says first. ;-)
  
• Jon disagrees, but I definitely can see how there is a different sound or cry for different things. Logan makes little "piggy" noises when he's trying to locate my nipple to feed. He has these squeaky cooing sounds when he's sleeping and dreaming. He has a super high pitched cry that he uses when he first starts to get agitated or is hungry. That then moves into a full blown out wail that you can hear through the entire house - either when he's getting changed, or we just haven't calmed him down fast enough after the first high pitched cries start.
  
• I'm not liking the whole "milk lady" feeling - is that all I'm good for - a feeding? (and every friggin' 2 hours too)
• On the other hand, I love the "milk lady" feeling. Jon has to get pretty creative in how he plays, interacts and calms Logan down when need be. Me, on the other hand, I have this natural gift and connection to Logan that no one else has. It's so very special and I cherish it like everything else.

speaking of..... I need to get ready for another feeding. moo.